This is the part when some Star Wars fans are going to get some major
butthurt, so if you are one of those people that gets overly sensitive and
tetchy about that sort of thing, turn away now. Otherwise, let me wax lyrical
and tell you why I feel that Attack Of The Clones is not just the worst film in
the Star Wars franchise, but it is also one of the worst films ever made. No
amount of self-justification among fans along the lines of “yeah, I don’t like
it, but it’s not that bad” is going to convince me otherwise. Now I’ll admit
I’ve had occasional gripes about Star Wars over the years, but I’m speaking
from the heart as a kid who grew up watching that original trilogy and being
blown away by the epic adventures, scale and spectacle. I’d never seen anything
like it, and the one thing that could perhaps be said in defence of Attack Of
The Clones is that it does have a credible mise-en-scene. However, in every
other regard it is the epitome of everything that can go wrong with a Star Wars
movie. This is supposed to be the dramatic meat of the prequel trilogy, the one
that moves the larger story from that established in The Phantom Menace and
into it’s natural conclusion with Revenge Of The Sith. Instead it’s an unholy
mess of filler with plots upon subplots that go nowhere, poorly realised
characters, horrendous dialogue that does nothing to benefit the actors’
performances; Ben Burtt may have edited the film, but at one hundred and
forty-two minutes this thing, the longest film in the franchise, is too damn
long. At the centre of this problem is George Lucas himself: at one time a
creative visionary (I’m a big fan of THX 1138), Lucas had clearly lost
objective self-awareness as regards his art. The best thing that has happened
to Star Wars in a long time was getting new blood in with J.J. Abrams, because
judging from this overlong, grossly-budgeted, greenscreen-flogging abomination,
Lucas was past it with Star Wars.
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